


*party noise* *chugging* *thump*

by afrocurl



Category: Sparks Nevada Marshal on Mars, The Thrilling Adventure Hour
Genre: Canon Jewish Character, Drinking, Gen, Jewish Holidays, Post-Series, Purim, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-04-04 23:16:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4156674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afrocurl/pseuds/afrocurl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To help Sparks with his newest drama, Croach has a way to help Sparks get through it while Red gets another lesson in being Space Jewish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	*party noise* *chugging* *thump*

**Author's Note:**

  * For [possibilityleft](https://archiveofourown.org/users/possibilityleft/gifts).



> This author has already heard/seen the final episode of TAH and so this makes a very vague reference to that episode. Should you not want to be spoiled, I'd suggest waiting until after the final Sparks has been podcasted (I hope it's soon).

_The Saloon doors are opening._ Mordecai looked up from the glass he was shining and let out a soft exhale. It wasn’t anyone he had to worry about immediately. Otherwise, he’d rather close shop and get home to his wife before she left for another Trouble Shooting mission. Given everything that had happened recently, he knew she’d be gone for a long while.

“Oh thanks there, AI. Much appreciated. I hope there’s no trouble comin’ with ‘em.” He said it even though he knew they didn’t mean him no harm, but it always helped him to make his intentions known before anything got too serious. There was no doubt that either person walking through didn’t hear him. Or know what he meant.

“No, no trouble at all, barkeep. Just Croach and I. But we’re lookin’ to avoid some trouble that could come to your place.”

He didn’t need to be told what sort of trouble could come into his place. Everyone knew what had happened with Ginny and no one dared to say it aloud in front of Sparks. It might have been best to leave Sparks alone with rotgut than to risk him coming into the bar. Only maybe.

“So Nevada’s found himself walkin’ again?” he asked.

“It would appear as though he has, Barkeep. However, there is a way that we can mitigate some of trouble that Sparks might cause.” Croach had that look in his eyes that said there was a plan afoot and hopefully it wouldn’t be too disasterous.

“And what’s that, Croach?”

“Isn’t it P’ur-eem today?” the martian asked.

“Oh, you’re right, it is. How in the worlds could I forget that?” It wasn’t like he was just a cultural Space Jew, but he had been a bit distracted the last few weeks, obviously.

“Um, please fill me in on what this P’ur-eem is?” Red demanded.

Croach sighed and Mordecai wanted to join him, but he didn’t. “Oh, I forget that you’re still missing on some of the Space Jewish traditions, Red. Today’s a perfect day to learn about it.” He put the glass down and started to move from behind the counter in an effort to not be so business-like.

“So what’s it about and why is it gonna help Nevada?” Red asked, clearly unaware of her Space Jewish heritage. She had so much to learn and it might as well be tonight.

“Well, the end result is that we’re gonna get drunk and Nevada can forget all about this troubles. Sound good to you?” Mordecai said, because the end result was what everyone wanted to know about. At least when they were all of legal drinking age.

“I think that sounds appropriate for his woes. For they are great and heavy.” Of course Croach had to be like he was and said it with more words than necessary.

“Croach, we know what’s botherin’ Nevada and that’s why you brought me in here. So, Barkeep could explain P’ur-eem and we could get drunk?”

“That sounds appropriate.” Croach had a slight nod of his head, his antennae bobbing just so.

Mordecai nodded his head and waited for both Red and Croach to sit at the bar before he joined them and then told the story of Es. Ter. and Hay. Man.

“So back in the old days, there was a queen named Es. Ter. She was beautiful, but she wasn’t like the other women that were part of her king’s harem in Per. Sia. And the King had this advisor Hay. Man., who was a very wicked man, who wanted to rid Per. Sia of all the Space Jewish people without naming them outright.”

“So Es. Ter. is good and Hay. Man is bad, so far so good. But why the drinking?” Red asked.

“Let me finish first and it’ll make more sense. Es. Ter tried to persuade her husband not to kill all the Space Jews in Per. Sia., but she did it knowing that it might get her killed. But she prayed and fasted and when she went to see her King, he listened. Eventually Hay. Man. and his sons were all killed for what they wanted to do.”

“But how does this connect with the drinkin’?” Red asked, and Mordecai knew he hadn’t gotten there yet; still sighed.

“Well, when someone - like myself - retells the story of Es. Ter. everyone’s supposed to make noise when Hay. Man.’s name is said and if they’re old enough, drink while they do. His name is all over the story, so drunk.”

“I think I should tell the tale, as I do not think I should be drunk if the Marshall is.”

“How noble, Croach. I think that’ll work out well. I haven’t had a chance to hear the story in many years.” It would be nice for a change to not just be Barkeep, and to do something related to his heritage.

“And this is gonna help Nevada how?” Red still had a look on her face that was equal parts confused and annoyed and it was probably funnier than it should be to Mordecai.

“Don’t you think he’d want to be drunk after everything with Ginny?”

“Point taken. So, P’ur-eem is tonight. How do we get Nevada here?”

“Easy. AI, will you get the Marshall here in thirty minutes and once he’s here, will you lock the doors?”

_Of course. I will have Marshall Nevada here in thirty minutes and then lock the doors._

“Now if you two want to get some noise makers, I need to make sure there’s enough rotgut for Nevada and whatever you’d like.”

“Rotgut works for me,” Red said.

“You’ll regret it, but whatever. I need to make sure there’s enough for all the drinkin’. You both should get ready; Red, I think some food will do ya good. Croach, do you know the story?”

“I have not had to recite the story of Es. Ter. in years, but I know it. My brain can hold myriad facts at once, as you are well aware.”

“Yeah, I know. But just makin’ sure. I don’t want no trouble once Nevada’s here and we’re listening. It won’t please the missus.”

“As you say, we shall prepare,” Croach said before he walked toward the doors.

_The Saloon doors are open._

-

“Sparks Nevada, you are to join the Red Plains Rider and the Barkeep in a tradition of our people tonight. Does that not sound fun?” 

“Uh, sure, Croach. Whatever.” 

“That is not the spirit, Sparks. This is a night of fun and drinking. You have been drinking. I can sense it.”

“But why do I want to do this drinking?”

“Because it will make you forget about Ms. West.”

“Lead on.”

-

“And so it was that Hay. Man. wanted to kill all of the Space Jews, but Es. Ter. was able to plead for her life and the life of others.

“Why did no one drink? Why did no one scream when I said Hay. Man.?

“Is anyone still conscious?

“Hearing nothing I will assume you have all passed out and I will have my own drink of this rotgut of which you drank so much tonight.”

Croach took a long pull from a bottle and turned away.

“That is disgusting! How could you all drink that so often as I told this tale? AI, how long ago did you sense them all stop drinking?”

_Twenty minutes ago, Croach. But I did not want to interrupt the story. It was a nice one. I wanted to know how it ended._

“But were you not listening when Barkeep explained it earlier?”

_I did listen then, but I wanted to hear the original version. Thank you Croach for this._

“And thank you, AI, for listening. At least someone appreciated my storytelling.”

_I am sure that everyone else appreciated it. I think they appreciated the rotgut more._

-

“Never again will I let Space Jews get me drunk. This is the worst hangover I have had. EVER.”

“Sparks, you talk too loud. Now shut up and go back to sleep. I have my own hangover to avoid.” Red’s voice was thick and sluggish. Mordecai didn’t blame her for saying anything. He felt just as bad. 

“I wish I had the Force Galactic to make this all go away.”

“Shut up, Barkeep,” Sparks added.

“AI, keep the saloon closed for another four hours, please.”

_The doors will remain closed._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [redacted] for the beta - and convincing me to even attempt this prompt in the first place.
> 
> As for the "spoiler?", I still don't know what to make of the finale, and so here's what could happen after.


End file.
